It's worth it.

This has been one of my summer reads. For those of you who don't know, it's a true story about a group of 5 missionaries who were savagely killed by a people group in Ecuador that they were attempting to establish contact with. It was written back in '57 by Elisabeth Elliot, a wife of one of these young men who were killed. Through various christian groups, I had heard this story before. Read this account was a completely new experience. 

Elisabeth shared bits of journal entries by the men.It was incredible. Their hearts were completely sold out for God and were willing to spread His love, no matter the cost. Years were spent studying and preparing to venture out and reach a group that no one else had dared, because the risk of death was was so. Months were spent flying over them  in a small yellow airplane, trying to build a friendship. 

Halfway through the book, it's almost like I forgot who they were. I forgot the movies I'd seen and the snippets of books I had read. I forgot the ending. When I began reading the second to last chapter, when they got in the plane and were ready to get out and meet the Aucas..it hit me. I remembered. I remembered the ending.  Those precious lives who died at the hands of the people they were trying to love.

Through out the rest of the book, I cried harder than I ever have over a book. Not just a couple little tears. Borderline sobbing. I was wrecked. 

They knew the cost of following God. They not only knew it, but embraced it and lived in out more fully than most do. They were ready to give up their lives so others could live for eternity. Left behind were young families. Wives, who were grieving but rested in God in a way I can't imagine. Babies. A 3 year old who knew Daddy was in Heaven, but wished he could come down for a little bit so he could play with him. 

I can only compare what happened to these families with Job from the Bible. Complete and utter pain and loss that was followed by restoration and healing from God. It was a great lesson to me how it's worth it. Living for God is worth it. Dying for Him is worth it. 

Sweetness

The summer of 2010 was a big one for me. It was filled with travel, friends, crushes, laughter and a few tears. There was so much growth. Every day it seemed like I was writing loads of notes about the things God was teaching me. When those days came to an end, I swore not to forget. I promised myself I would be the woman God was calling me to be.

Years past, after climbing a few mountains and trekking through a few valleys, I decided to flip through the pages of that ragged journal to rekindle what I learned.

Looking over a few pages, tears welled up in my eyes.Instead of finding a journal filled with deep meditations  I found pages that contained only a paragraph of sloppy handwriting.

    How will I remember what I was taught?

Then it all came back. Not ever word of the messages I heard, or necessarily the scripture I read but the emotion behind that sloppy handwriting.

The excitement of learning, the frustrations of figuring out the people I was spending all the summer with, irritation with aspects of myself, and hope for the future.

During that time, I had a nickname. "Sweetness", because I had a sweet personality. Funny thing, at the time having the character  trait of "sweetness" wasn't something I always cared for. The rest of the girls in our group were sassy as sassafras.  Sweetness sounded like another word for weak, or timid. Who would want to be those things? After that, I let life events change me. A little rougher around the edges, a little less caring,  more quick witted and quick tempered. After reflecting on what I read in my journal I realized.

Being sweet is not a bad thing. Caring deeply doesn't make you weak. Being quiet doesn't always mean fear. Thoughtfulness with words and actions can save you from a lot of hurt. 

Authentic, natural sweetness is something to be treasured.
Once it's gone, it's extremely challenging to regain.

The question is, is it gone?

Notes

From "A Hunger for God" by John Piper

• Fasting has been a ritual for centuries. Not exclusively Christian.Followers of God have used it well before Christ came to earth. Jesus was only recorded fasting once, for 40 days. In fact, it's implied in scripture that his followers didn't fast while he was on earth. But, he responded to questions that were raised by Jewish leaders by saying that it was pointless for the bride to fast when the bridegroom was present, and that they could do it once he left. 
• God does not reward you for fasting. Any ritual does not automatically bring glory to him. The biggest thing is the state of your heart and the reason behind Why you are fasting.
•   Fasting for the coming of the King. We are to anxiously wait his return. When you fast, it can be an exclamation point to a prayer to God. "This much, O Lord, we want you to return!"  Anna and Simeon prayed and fasted as they waited for the Messiah to come the first time. They waited anxiously for that arrival. They were not even witness to Christ's ministry on earth, or see the ways Christ has used his bride after he left earth. Why shouldn't we be just as anxious for his return, if not much more?!
• Satisfaction can dull your spiritual senses and cause you to forget who is the ultimate provider of all your needs. Fasting awakes something deep inside us and reminds us of how like without food our bodies will not be satisfied, without pressing into God we will never be satisfied by what the world has to offer. 
• Don't let it show on the outside how you are fasting. This is for God's glory, not your own. Again, the state of your heart is crucial regardless of if it is corporate fasting or private. 
• Fasting to understand the pain others go through. " About a billion of the world's people live in conditions of absolute poverty...no adequate food, clothing, shelter or medical care. 400 million are severely malnourished, 200 million of those being children." -Larry Libby
• Beware loving loving God rather than loving God. Instead of savoring the glory of God, savoring the atmosphere created by worship.
• If your fasting leaves you self indulgent in other ways(harsh towards others, irritable), it's not pleasing to God. Don't replace righteous living with rituals. How you treat people on Monday shows hows authentic your worship on Sunday was. Worshiping God should change you; fasting should change you for the better. It can be a tool used by God to conform you to his image. Let him change you! 
• Fasting is meant to starve sin, not us. The righteous and wealthy can starve themselves, but for what reason? We are called to feed the poor and afflicted. What if we starved for them to eat? Example: Instead of eating out, put aside the money you would have spent and give it to those who are hungry.
• Isaiah 58 paints a picture of what biblical based fasting looks like. "Give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted". Our fast is not merely to deny ourselves but to supply the needs of others.
• We are not responsible for what we cannot do but for what we can do. 
• Give not just material things, but of your souls so to satisfy the souls of others.
• "Who knows how much weakness is in us individually and in the church corporately because we are not pouring out our energy into the weakness of others?"
• God will be in front of us and behind us and in the midst of us with righteousness and glory. 
• Prayer is not meant for the enhancement of our comforts but for the advancement of Christ's kingdom.
• God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in him.